He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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