the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
