she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
