that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
false alarm, still single
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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