your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize