just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
