this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
