nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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