omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
