dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
