Banned from zoo.
Again?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
