you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
