i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize