Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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