I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
