sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
