i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
