It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
