Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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