So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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