Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
