She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
