I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
