On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
