Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
