No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
