I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
