i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize