yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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