hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
