I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize