I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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