I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
