I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize