the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
