Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
