I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
