i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
