I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
