fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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