Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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