so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
