i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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