she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
