Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
