Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize