when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
