Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
