im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
