So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
