Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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