My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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