Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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