The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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