i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
