why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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