saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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