i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
