But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
