she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
