Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
