She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
