If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
