The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
