I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
