He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
