Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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