Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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