Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
