After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize