i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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