He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
