I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
