So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize