I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
