her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
