Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
cat food counts as protein by the way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize