You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
