tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
