I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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