i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
