do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
