thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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