My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
