I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
