just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
