No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
