nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we should paint friendship bongs
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