toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize