I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
