she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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