i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
