My pussy is not your playground.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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