I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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