I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
