watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
