so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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