so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
