Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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