Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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