I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
