Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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