just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
