I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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